Thursday, August 26, 2010

Almost end of summer

Where has the time gone?

We went for Lauren's 1 year checkup and she weighed in at 15lb 10...she is even smaller than Kayla at 1 year!! I really didn't think that was possible. Kayla was 16lb 4 at 1 year. But, for those of you who know Kayla, you will probably recall how we had to distract her with toys, a song and a dance at every meal just to get her to eat. With Lauren, we just let her eat what she wants to eat...and as it turns out, she doesn't want to eat much. We are now doing a similar diet that we did with Kayla: adding table cream to her milk, avacado, almond butter, and overall just trying to give her more high calorie foods. Here we go again. Food is such a struggle with these two girls! I have pretty much given up on Kayla. I weighed her the other day and she has gained 1 lb in 6 months! Guess she'll be wearing the same clothes next summer as this summer...for the record, Kayla is still wearing a few pair of shorts this summer that are size 12 months and she is 3.5 years old. Lauren is still in her 3-6 month onsies and she is 1 years old. My two peanuts :)

I can't believe summer is almost over. Kayla just finished her week of skating lessons.  Steve got her a pair of boys hockey skates (he refused to have her in white skates!), and by the end of the week, she was moving on the ice independently and was getting up to standing from sitting on her own. Kayla is now enjoying her last days of summer before she goes full time to preschool in September. She loves having sleepovers at Grandma's place (because they let her watch tv before bed), and she is singing along to pop songs like OMG by Usher.

Lauren is doing well. She is smiling alot these days and LOVES to play with herself in the mirror. She gets very excited when she sees herself and will interact with herself. She makes faces at herself and bangs on the mirror. It the cutiest thing! For the first time, I couldn't care less about fingerprints! Lauren is becoming more mobile and is now crawling more steadily and with more confidence around the house. She is also now cutting her 8th tooth and has become the worst sleeper in the house. She cries every night for 30 min to 1.5 hours. She stands in her crib, eyeing the door, with tears streaming down her cheeks and cries and cries and cries. There have been nights where Steve, Kayla and I have fallen asleep with Lauren still crying. No rescue from mommy.

The vision consultant continues to study Lauren but mentioned at her last visit that of the 40 kids on her case load, Lauren is the most baffling. Still a mystery that little girl. We went for another eye test this past week and should hear back in about a months time on the results. We'll keep everyone posted on this. Still no palate surgery date either. PT and OT are going well. Our PT said she wished more of her clients were as strong as Lauren...we thought that was such a nice compliment. And of course counted our blessing on this one. 

Works for me starts next week. I'm excited but nervous. I hope I can keep feels like forever since I've worked, especially in a corporate environment. Lauren is going to be spending her days at Grandma(s) house. I think it will be a nice change of scenery for her. Kayla will be in school full time with ice skating lessons on Mondays after school and ballet on Saturdays. Lauren will be doing music classes on Saturdays. Steve - hockey (i'm rolling my eyes as I write the words). Me - i promise to floss, that's about all I can commit to....All in all its going to be a busy Fall for all of us.

On a last note, I do want to genuinely thank all our family and friends for your support over the past year. I think Lauren has brought alot of us closer together and has truly showed us what is really important in life. Its family and close friends that really count in the end. You are the ones that listen to us in time of sorrow, you are the ones that give us a shoulder to cry on, you are the ones that shed a tear of joy when we share a proud moment of Lauren's progress with you, you are the ones that embrace Lauren as your own, you are the ones that are cheering for her on the sidelines. Lauren has made alot of gains over the past 6 months and we wanted to really thank everyone for helping her to get to where she is at. Every gesture you do, whether its a simple wave and smile at her, a fun game of peek-a-boo, helping her to walk, or giving her first taste of ice cream, it means alot to us and we just wanted to take the time to say thank you. So thank you again.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Pulls To A Stand

Lauren greeted us standing up in her crib for the first time two nights ago. We were in complete shock. She was crying and crying at night and finally we decided to go into her room to check up on her, and there she was, just standing there, holding onto the crib rail for dear life, with streams of tears going down her face. Yay! Another small achievement to celebrate! Now that she has learned how to pull herself upto a stand in her crib, she can't seem to figure out how to get down on her own..which means we were in her room 5 times last night, putting her down to a laying position from standing.

Because of Lauren's recent achievements in the gross motor category over the past few months, she is actually improving and catching up for her age! When she was 6 months old, she wasn't rolling, reaching and was barely sitting. She could do tummy time for only 5-10 seconds at any given moment. She was marked as below 5th percentile for gross motor skills and was diagnosed with low muscle tone by her doctors and we started PT. Now at 12 months, she has moved upto between 10-25th percentile for gross motor! We are so happy that she is getting stronger and stronger. She still has alot of work to do on her core muscle area, but we hope with the motivation of food and the constant wrestling with Kayla, Lauren will continue to build her strength and grow.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My Hungry Caterpillar turns 1

Lauren turned 1 years old this past Saturday! We had a backyard celebration with family filled with balloons, streamers, good food and cake! I made Lauren a cupcake cake (will post pic soon once I find my camera) of the Very Hungry Caterpillar. Not sure where the idea came from, I just saw it when I was surfing the internet, but when I did come across it, it was perfect. Lauren is a hungry little caterpillar (she loves to eat, but she just seems to have a hard time putting on weight), who inches around (literally). One day, when she is ready, she will come out of her cocoon and I know she will blossom into a beautiful butterfly that everyone will marvel at and admire. Lauren had a good day on her birthday. She loved eating her cupcake, icing and all. And she was surround by family and loved ones, what more could she ask for? Her sister Kayla helped her to blow out her candle and open her presents. Lauren was full of smiles for everyone on her birthday. She had a good day. And so did we.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Lauren is turning 1 and my hair is getting grey with worry

Lauren is turning 1 this Saturday. Its hard to believe that a whole year has gone by. Honestly, I think its been the longest year of my life. A year filled with dr. appointments, therapies, questions and very little answers. 

Lauren continues to develop but remains a big puzzle. One of my biggest worries continues to be her vision. Her vision issue(s) still remain "unsolved". I'm not expecting a solution, but at least an answer would be nice. We went to see the optho, who looked at her eyes and said functionally they are fine (yay), but is she interpreting what she is seeing we don't know. So he ordered yet another test and said the last test we had doesn't really tell us much. So here we go again, with more tests and more waits. Lauren "sees", as evident by her reaching for what she wants, but there are just so many inconsistencies. The more I read about CVI, I am sure she has some form of it. We asked the optho about CVI, who wouldn't comment on this diagnosis until more tests were conducted. I am frustrated about the lack of answers and the more I "observe" Lauren, the more baffled, scared, and helpless I feel. I just don't understand her.

And I guess it doesn't help that she is behind in meeting her milestones, so its hard to tell if she is just behind or this is the furthest she will get or if its something else altogether. Or maybe this is the way it is suppose to be based on her genetic makeup.

So my days continue to be filled with worries. I go to sleep worrying about Lauren and wake up worrying about Lauren. She is the first and last thing on my mind, every single day. When I think of Kayla, I smile and cry with joy because she makes me so happy. She really does. I wish that I could feel this way about Lauren, but with so many unknowns it scares and worries me. I wonder if the days of worrying will ever cease. I don't really every worry about Kayla anymore. I am confident about her, that she will be everything I dreamed of her to be. Lauren...again, I really just don't know. I hate feeling this way, and that I look at the two girls so differently and have very different aspirations for them. I want one to be "ok" and the other to be prime minister. 

So many nights, I wish that things had turned out differently. When I see other siblings, playing together, talking together, laughing together, smiling together, I wish that this will be Kayla and Lauren. It just seems so far away right now. Kayla loves Lauren unconditionally, and treats Lauren no different. I'm not sure why I have such a hard time doing this myself. Maybe I need the mind of a 3.5 year old. A simple, uncluttered, mind who just accepts Lauren for who she is. Kayla is fantastic with Lauren. She plays (its more like wrestling) with her, feeds her, helps her. The best part is, she always remembers her sister in everything she does. She always remembers to say bye to Lauren and to give her a kiss when she is leaving the house, when she does something, she always says "I have to get one for Lauren too" and she always asks "where is Lauren?" when she doesn't see Lauren. She is really the most considerate, thoughtful and sweetest person I know...and she's only 3. I'm really glad that Lauren has Kayla in her life. And I'm really glad that both Steve and I have Kayla in our life. I don't know where'd we be without our Kayla. 

So that's whats been on mind for the past couple of days. 

Birthdays are suppose to be fun, a time to celebrate, a time for smiles and laughs. But at the same time, they make you think of the past, the present and the future. 

Thanks for reading and listening, I feel a bit better now. Now on to make Lauren's birthday cake for the big day...

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